Thursday, November 20, 2008

Hang on Tight!

Oh, that’s right! I have a blog! I had almost forgotten. Actually that’s not true. I just haven’t been able to complete a whole sentence, either spoken or written. So I feel that I have much to tell you.

First, I never meant for this to be a politics blog. Who knew that I could get so caught up in all of it that I’d dedicate several posts to the subject? Or that I would meet so many new friends with different ideals than my own? Blogging indeed makes this a small world. But alas, the election is over and it’s time to put the Christmas tree away and wonder what we had ever had in the corner before this. It feels so empty now. A friend asked the other night, “So now what do we talk about?”

Exactly, it’s a good time to contemplate the future – including the future of this blog. When I started this site earlier this year, it was to give myself a place to put my thoughts, snippets and sound-bites of what goes through my mind. I thought that if I had a defined space and perhaps an audience to hold me accountable, I would make the time to formulize these thoughts into the written word. And reaching out to you and having you reach back, has been the most wonderful outcome.

I knew I wanted the blog to be about how I feel about my life and the players in it. I wanted to use At Home With Me to talk about all those things that I often talk to my friends about or wish that I could. With some posts, the words come easily. I am inspired by something I read or experience and create a post in short order. Mostly though, I struggle with the words. It can take hours, sometimes days, to craft a piece the way I want it to be or often, to only come up with a paragraph. Those are the subjects I most desperately want to write about but find it’s too difficult.

I’m still working out some details. I still haven’t figured out where I stand on the subject of anonymity. There are some subjects that I tend to avoid based on the idea of who might be reading it. I have invited some folks from my personal life to read but I still feel so shy about it. And because the readership is so small, I have considered giving up the blog entirely. But you have been so encouraging. You tell me I still have a voice and a story to tell. And I do. So I will. I thank you for your patience.

The past two weeks have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I’ll feel perfectly fine one minute and then something will happen and I will hate everyone. My husband noted this about himself last week and I thought he was being overly dramatic. But now I know what he means. I’ll be singing to myself as I load the dishwasher and then see out the window that the neighbor’s lawn care crew has herded all the leaves from the neighbor’s yard into mine. I become an instant grouch. Today, this has been especially true. There have been several annoyances and finally, the conversation with the pediatrician’s nurse left me to lose it completely. I called and asked the Doctor to call me back so I could discuss a question of my son’s medication with him. I was told I needed to make an appointment because he doesn’t talk to people on the phone. I started to argue a bit and then I started to cry. “My entire family has been coming to this clinic for ten years now and you are telling me he doesn’t have time to speak with me unless I spend an hour in the waiting room first?!” She kindly said she would give him the message and maybe he will make an exception. (I can see the message – “Dr. Don’t Have Time, Please return hysterical mom’s phone call.”)

See what I mean? From perfectly happy to pit of despair in ten seconds or less – there is no in-between state of mind. The chiropractor broke up with me and told me we can see other people – Yay! Husband’s company sends out letter stating there may be no bonus this year – Doom and gloom! My mother-in-law sent fudge – Celebration! That bitch cut me off in car line again – Misery! And so forth…

All this craziness already! The holidays are right around the corner. There will be school events (three different kids means three different “Thanksgiving Feasts” on three different days), musical performances, field trips and then the Christmas parties. Then there is the fact that the kids are out of school almost two entire weeks before Christmas. Don't forget the birthdays. And there will be the traveling. I don’t think I’ve discussed here my love/hate relationship with traveling. We will leave that one for another day.


@sweetbabboo said...

I am right there with you. I'm just not feeling my blog right now. I waiver between publishing random boring crap and actually waiting for inspiration.

I actually think I'm in an uninspired point across the board. It's a wonder I get dressed some days. I'm an emotional roller coaster too so it's good to know I'm not the only one.

Maybe it is because of the election. It's like the day after Christmas when you no longer have something to look forward to and think about. (Although a for reals Obama presidency is exciting.) The election has left us direction-less and now we need to find a new route.

I don't know. If you figure it all out, though, let me know b/c I need some help too.

@sweetbabboo said...

I've considered painting my bedroom. Do you think a new color will bring energy, motivation, and direction back to my life? But then again, when would I have the time to paint. :)

Susie said...

I don't know if painting could do all that but it could freshen things up:)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Ah, disenchantment can be so frustrating. And those crabby-crabby days are awful, too, but don't beat yourself up too much.

I shall now feel thankful I only have to go to ONE Thanksgiving, so thanks for that:)

1blueshi1 said...

the traveling! the best part of the hellidays, I mean, hollidaze, I know what I mean!

I am still kinda in shock that we made it from Bham to VA, really. Pretty much all it took was my mom saying, Well it sounds like you may not need to come this year, you're so sick--and I'm yelling, Kids! Pack the dirty laundry in the big suitcase and let's get this show on the road! Only 700 miles to Papa and Nonny's house!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I've tagged you--built in blog fodder, Susie!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Well, I would be pretty grouchy too if someone put their leaves in my yard. Totally valid.

Madame Queen said...

I go through stages with my blog all the time. I think it's kind of like being in a relationship with a person. You know, sometimes it's great and rosy and all romantic and sometimes you never want to see that person again. I think it's normal.

For the record, I hope you keep writing. I haven't been commenting much lately, but I'm still reading!

Diamond engagement rings said...

Welcome to the blogging world, love seeing early posts by bloggers to see their early ambition